


A Study in Scarlet

by MoralCode



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Knives, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22934617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoralCode/pseuds/MoralCode
Summary: It's just another beautiful day in paradise.
Relationships: Eric Forman/Michael Kelso, Eric Forman/Steven Hyde
Kudos: 18





	A Study in Scarlet

**Author's Note:**

> That's a vague description, I know. Well, what can I say, except....I'm sorry.

Eric and Kelso stumble through the sliding glass door, giggling as they make their way into the kitchen. It was lunchtime, and Kitty wasn't home. Even if Red was home, he'd sooner put his foot up their asses than cook for them. So, they decided to do the unthinkable: make their own sandwiches. It was a little risky. Finding the bread and layering the meat and cheese on a plate was the easy part. The real challenge was in cutting up the tomatoes and lettuce, since neither of them knew how to use a knife.

A couple of slightly green tomatoes sat on a wooden cutting board on the sink counter. Their messy plates sat on the dining table with their orange juice. Kelso and Eric stood, staring at the knife laying by the tomatoes and feeling skittish. Foreman swallowed. 

"I'll do it," Kelso said before Eric could speak. "You stand aside, Eric. This is man stuff."

Eric frowned in indignation. "I'm a man!" 

Kelso shook his head in irritation. "Of course you are. I mean this is man's man…’s work. And that means me."

Eric crossed his arms. "You're not a man's man, Kelso, you have the face of a supermodel, and your only hobbies are letting Jackie boss you around and smoking weed."

Rather than argue with his boyfriend, Kelso gave a look of horror and cried, "Oh yeah! I have to call Jackie after lunch!"

Once, Eric had been annoyed that Kelso was spending so much time on her, but he’d come to learn how bossy Jackie was by nature. It took a lot of work to keep her happy. Besides, he knew Kelso considered her his best friend. While Kelso contemplated what they'd talk about, Eric picked up the knife. He worked with Red in the garage sometimes, so he'd worked with tools before. A knife shouldn't be so bad.

"Wait, Eric!" Kelso lightly touched his forearm, staying his hand. "You're pretty clumsy. I trust you with my life, but I don't know if I trust you with a knife."

"Hey, that rhymed!" Eric smiled. Kelso looked confused. 

"No, it didn't," he chuckled. Rather than heave a sigh, Eric decided to move back on topic. 

"I am not clumsy," he said, turning to face Kelso. He's not sure what he did, but Kelso made a strangled noise and made a lunge. He grabbed his hand, and Eric released the knife to him.

"You almost stabbed me!" He yelled. 

"I did not," Eric sighed. Kelso just gave him a disbelieving look. An awkward silence ensued, in which Eric wondered if he should apologize anyway, and Kelso guarded the knife.

"Look, just give it to me, and I'll cut the fruit." Eric said, holding his hand out.

"Uh, Eric, I don't see any fruit here." Kelso gave him a look and picked up a tomato. "This is a vegetable."

Eric smiled patiently. "Actually, tomatoes are considered vegetables now. They form from a flower and are full of seeds."

"Huh..." Kelso gazed at the tomato, contemplative. 

"That's rad," he grinned at Eric. Eric beamed and made a grab for the knife. 

"Uh-uh!" Kelso wagged his finger, holding the knife up and out of Eric's reach. Eric pouted.

"Wha-Kelso!!" Someone behind Kelso shouted, jumping up and grabbing Kelso's forearm. The man dragged Kelso's hand behind his back as Eric panicked and Kelso gasped in surprise and pain. 

"Drop it." A man’s voice growled. Kelso did as he was told, only to be shoved back into the counter. 

"What the hell, man?!" he continued.

The man had a frizzy afro and a small pair of sunglasses perched on his nose. He wore a thick jacket to look tough, but he was much smaller than Kelso. Everyone was. It was Eric's brother, Hyde. He had been best friends with Eric almost as long as Kelso himself, before the Foremans had invited him into their home six months ago. Kelso understood why he panicked, besides the fact that it must have looked as if Eric was about to be stabbed by his own boyfriend. 

"Come on, Hyde," he squirmed. "We were just trying to cut some fruit! I wasn't gonna stab him!"  
Hyde frowned.

"It's true." Eric looked amused, as if he thought Hyde wouldn't actually stab Kelso if he thought Eric was in danger. He'd be receiving separate lectures from both of them later. He gestured at the tomatoes, still sitting on the cutting board. Hyde grimaced.

"You idiots!" He snatched the knife from the floor. "You know you're not allowed to use knives!"

He stepped around Kelso and carefully placed the knife against the edge of the sink, the blade pointing toward the drain. He gestured with his other hand, making a wild shooing motion. 

"Go sit at the table while I chop these up."

Eric and Kelso scrambled into their chairs while Hyde cleaned the knife and set into the tomatoes. Kelso decided to chat Eric up in the meantime.

"Hey, Eric, remember that one time when Mrs. Foreman made us fish wing pie?" He asked.

"Fish don't have wings, idiot." Hyde said, scathingly, and chopped a head of lettuce in half with vigor. "You mean fins."

“Flying fish do!” Kelso looked triumphant.

“Mrs. Foreman did not make you “fish wing soup,” Hyde said.

"Yeah-huh, she did, too!" Kelso's head bobbed up and down sporadically. "Tell him, Eric!"

"Uh, yeah, Hyde," smiled Eric nervously. He didn't want to help make Kelso look like an idiot, not now. Hyde raised an eyebrow at him from the kitchen counter. 

"It was before we met," he tried. The corner of Hyde's lip drew back in a slow smirk, and he nodded in amusement. Good. He was finally calming down. Just like Eric knew Jackie took a lot of work to get along with, Hyde knew Eric had a lot of work to do to get along with Kelso.

Kelso sat back in satisfaction, missing Hyde's look and Eric's relief. He continued to talk about how delicious the pie had been, up until Hyde finished putting together three sandwiches. Once he put their sandwiches down, he swiftly licked the tips of his index fingers and gave them each a wet willy. Eric and Kelso recoiled, groaning in disgust. Hyde smirked and sat down with his own sandwich. 

"That's for trying to use a knife instead of coming to get me. How could I explain to Kitty that her favorite child bled out while I was sitting on my ass, watching t.v. on her good couch?"

"I would not!" Eric argued, not bothering to, once again, try to explain to Hyde that he was the favorite child.

"You almost got stabbed, Eric!" Hyde growled.

"I almost stabbed him!" Eric argued, waving an arm at Kelso, who was still writhing in disgust. Hyde facepalmed.

"Uuggghhh!" Kelso groaned.

"Kelso, would you shut up?!" Hyde snapped.

"I can't help it! You wet willied me!" 

"So? He did the same to me, and you don't see me whining," Eric said.

"It's not the same!” Kelso moaned. “You're brothers. You have the same cooties. I'm the one that's gonna get sick." Eric and Hyde stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded. Then, Hyde turned a glare at Eric.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," he sweated. “How silly of me. How could I forget?” Kelso looked at him like he was an idiot. Eric ignored him and leaned forward to stroke Kelso's arm.

"I'm sorry, baby,” he said. “But don't worry, I'm sure you'll be fine. You have me to look out for you, after all!" Hyde had had enough. He abruptly stood up and stormed out of the room. When he was gone, Kelso turned toward Eric, a dopey grin on his face.

"Kelso…" Eric started.

"I know! I know!" Kelso straightened up. "I just wanted him gone." 

Eric relaxed a bit, smiling weakly. "I wish you wouldn't do that. I hate everyone thinking you're an idiot." Kelso wasn't all that smart, truly. Eric knew it, he knew it. But the more outlandish things he only said to get a rise out of people.

"I know. I'm sorry." Kelso mumbled as he leaned in. Eric didn't say anything. He just kissed him quietly.


End file.
